10. "Man, why did I tell Rudolph I'd try his homemade grass and berry wine tonight?"
9. "I like having to work just one day a year. Now I know how Ben Marth must feel like."
8. "I know I'm suppose to put my finger beside my nose, not in it. Stupid elf"
7. "How come I gotta be the one that goes on a diet? That Mrs. Claus is getting pretty soft."
6. Just remember it's all about the children. The children. The children. Wow, I sounded like Michael Jackson there, didn't I?"
5. "Here I go down the chute ... just like the Cubs do every year."
4. "Dasher, do I look fat?"
3. "Every year this Hampsmire kid has a Cosby Sweater on his list."
2. "I still don't know why I had to bring little Broc Shelby Hampsmire this huge pink and purple Barbie doll house."
1. "I can't get this Don O' Brien guy's hat to fit in the chimney."