10. Throw footballs at all the illegal aliens on rafts as they approach the shoreline.
9. Adam Vinateri convinces David Beckham to kick for the Cowboys, keeping soccer the most pointless sport in America.
8. Have a weightlifting contest against the Mandelbaum family at Del Boca Vista. (Just think about Seinfeld)
7. Robbie Gould finally changes the spelling of his last name to G-O-L-D. Bears fans will understand that joke.
6. Buy the Marlins.
5. Peyton Manning - will put on his fake mustache and wig from his Sprint commercials and sneak into a Bears defensive backs meeting, apparently he's done it all year.
4. Find Tank Johnson. Overheard him say something about finding that gun Tony Montana uses at the end of Scarface.
3. Brian Urlacher will rekindle his relationship with Paris Hilton. Let's just say he'll be too tired to play Sunday.
2. Visit Banana Joe's in Tampa Bay and check out the famous bathroom stall made famous by those wonderful Carolina Panther cheerleaders.
1. Tank Johnson will go to the snack machine for a twinkie in the hallway only to get tasered by a rent-a-cop for violating his probation. His house arrest turned to hotel arrest.