10. Clay Aiken asked to sing the National Anthem at the Yankees' Opening Day.
9. Manny Ramirez is sitting out every seventh day to the furlough.
8. The players' parking lot is full of Civics and Luminas.
7. Bud Selig is taking his hush money actually under the table.
6. Due to cutbacks with umpires, the ESPN K-Zone will call balls and strikes.
5. Meth is the new cocaine.
4. No night games. Have you seen the electric bill at Busch Stadium?
3. Fans are asked to bring chewing tobacco for their favorite player.
2. Old Style beer once again becomes a best seller at Wrigley Field.
1. Pete Rose has quit gambling.