10. You still spell Ballers with an "s" and not the cool "z."
9. The words "old" and "fart" are in the team's name.
8. First time you played, Dr. Zhivago was playing at Washington Theatre and tickets were a nickel.
7. It conflicts with bingo night and you're the defending champ.
6. Instead of Gatorade, your pre-game consists of prune juice and a Fiber One.
5. It's hard to play while pulling an oxygen tank.
4. Your go-to player is Les Sachs.
3. You brought an actual peach basket to the opening game last year.
2. You skip your 4 p.m. game because you can't miss the dinner buffet at the Green Parrot.
1. Your name really is Gus Macker.