10. Your mom tells you it's Scott Van Pelt, but you don't even have cable.
9. By mom's order you have to call the man Bob.
8. He's a Cubs fan.
7. He was gone on sabbatical nine months prior to your birth.
6. Your name is Josh and he keeps calling you Stephanie.
5. He's a carny ... and your college fund is over 100 Grand.
4. Mom makes you call him Uncle Johnny.
3. Your house receives an annual bill from Sperm-n-Go, a mysterious fertility clinic in Arkansas.
2. Your neighbors refer to him as the "Mailman" still.
1. The milkman has oddly been present at all 27 of your birthdays.
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