10) Your name is Jason Marquis.
9) The owner "unfriended" you on Facebook.
8) At-bat music is changed to "Hit the road, Jack."
7) Team posted it on Twitter ... in only 138 characters.
6) Nobody was waiting at home plate following your walk-off homer.
5) ARod keeps asking if your wife needs comforting.
4) Your parking spot at the park reads "Player to be named later."
3) Tony La Russa invites you out for a drink after game.
2) The pre-game prayer is centered on you finding a new house in Houston.
1) Your wife already switched country clubs ... as did your mistress.