10) Signed a 10-year-old kid from the Bronx named Jerek Deter.
9) The team accountant refuses to sign anymore checks.
8) Tried inserting "right of Prima Noctes" into the superstar's contract.
7) Nobody in the league was even aware the player they signed was available.
6) Substituted Ex-Lax for division rival's dessert at Owners Meetings.
5) Even the bank in the Cayman Islands says they're out of cash.
4) Went old school: Sent flowers and a prostitute to the player's house.
3) Every Monday they extend the contract of the middle reliever.
2) Of those on the 40-man roster, 37 are left-handed throwing catchers.
1) New player just tweeted, "Screwed them out of a ton of cash!! lol."
513 Hampshire Quincy, IL 62301
Switchboard: (217) 228-6600
News Tips: (217) 228-6655 email@example.com