10) Still wearing your Pirates eye patch.
9) Grew mullet so everybody would call you Mr. Lincecum.
8) Bought "The Best of Mo Vaughn" off e-Bay for 12 cents.
7) Sold the tractor for two tickets to an Expos game.
6) Hairpiece is stuck to a can of chew and bag of sunflower seeds.
5) The head of a Clydesdale is found in your bed.
4) Tattooed "I miss Bo Hart" on your bicep.
3) Purchased a chimp, in which you said could "out-field that loser Jeter."
2) Twenty-three bruises found on chest from "Alley Roger Dorn Ground Ball Contest."
1) You woke up on Friday next to a Cubs fan.