10) Create @TheFakeBenMarth on Twitter and profess love for Tony La Russa.
9) Drop your kids off at school and leave them outside front door.
8) Buy roosters and take up cock fighting.
7) Take the Wi outside to play Tiger Woods golf.
6) Search for the real Gus Macker.
5) Re-burn all your LeBron James jerseys.
4) Wrap everything you can find in bacon and barbeque it.
3) Resign from your job to be a coach at Western Illinois University.
2) The Green Parrot's yearly special -- Bring an urn, get a free dance.
1) Dress up like Shan Whiston and watch "Farewell to Shan" on a loop.
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