10) High-tech pants that give the illusion he's running really fast.
9) Puss in Boots hired as full-time translator handling all media relations.
8) Live walk-up music every game from Ricky Martin and Menudo.
7) Every Molina brother, including the mysterious Dave, is signed on as bullpen catcher.
6) To save on possible sprained thumb injuries, Nick Punto's brought back to handle his new Twitter account.
5) The team will pay for ALL future tattoos.
4) Everyday glove is literally made out of gold.
3) One free flight a month to L.A. for lunch with his true best friend, Deidre Pujols.
2) Key to the Arch elevator for any late night rendezvous.
1) Jersey No. 5.